So what is Keyholing?
This is when you mostly focus on the negative in a situation while ignoring any positives. So you create a list of the 'bad stuff' that's you perceive is going on.
Imagine times when you either think about or chat to others and make a list of things that have happened you deem negative:
The car that cut you up on the way to work and annoyed you all morning.
Getting wet through on your walk from the car.
Going for lunch and nothing being left you like.
Messaging a friend and them not responding.
Not only do you give more power to your negative list you also influence the mindset of others as they tune in and maybe begin to magnify with their list too.
We speak in our training about our conscious mind having a very limited span and only paying attention to about 7 bits of information at one time, just imagine if most of your 7 bits of information are all negative and the impact that has on what you feel and how you react.
Knowing when you're in a thought hole means you can do something about it.
How do we manage Keyholing?
What we don't want you to think is that your goal is to be 'positive' all the time. No-one can be permanently positive, in fact this could drive you potty. We all experience unpleasant emotions from disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, worry and so on. How you deal with unpleasant emotions and pause when you notice yourself keyholing is a starting point.
Tell yourself what you are doing 'I've just listed 4 things and they're all negative'. Now you can either refocus on other things going on around you that you are thankful for, is a positive but you are ignoring or look at your list and consider a different perspective, what is this trying to teach me?
The car that cut you up on the way to work and annoyed you all morning - I'm not going to get annoyed because of someone else's behaviour, it says more about them than me or/ they may have been in a rush because of an emergency.
Getting wet through on your walk from the car - I need to keep an umbrella in the car, just in case / at least the garden had a good watering, it needed it.
Going for lunch and nothing being left that you like. I need to make time to go earlier or buy in the morning / Let's try something new, I could actually like it.
Messaging a friend and them not responding. Consider they may be busy or distracted elsewhere at the moment / Their phone may be on charge / Be more patient.
Let's work together to not give power by dwelling on the negative, give your perspective pause button a push and change the way you look at things with your rational, logical thinking part of your brain.